Make It End
Thursday, June 21, 2012 at 4:22AM It's 4:22 in the morning, 11 days past my due date. "Am I in labor," you might ask? Hell no, OF COURSE NOT.
The reason I'm up at 4:22am? Because I'm up every night at 4:22am. And at 1am. And at 5:30am. I don't sleep anymore. In fact, I have named all of the birds in our yard and can tell you the exact time that each is expected to start chirping. YAH.
Yesterday was the 4th time I thought I was in labor. And wasn't. I am officially losing my mind. I want my life back. This has to end.
For the past month, I haven't been able to pick Lucie up. Or carry her. Or hold her in my lap. Or take her anywhere. Or do anything active. Or sleep. Or climb the stairs without significant effort. I try not to leave the house anymore because I'm tired of the barrage of questions from strangers. "My god, you look ready!". No shit Sherlock, what amazing insight you have. And, my god, the emails and text messages. Please, just stop.
I went to L&D yesterday because, as of 2pm, I had hardly felt her move at all. I was really worried. Of course... the minute they hook up the monitors, she starts breakbancing. In fact, she started moving so much that they couldn't even get a heart rate strip on her because she kept kicking it off. It turned into a TWO HOUR NST. Ah, the irony. My doc came in and gave me the "oh, you again" look.
I have honestly given up all hope on her coming on her own. And I'm completely depressed. My family has been here forever and I feel like they'll come and go without even meeting her.
I'm going to ask him to induce me today even though I'm still "not favorable for induction." Whatever. I don't give a fuck anymore. "It'll end in a c-section!". Fine. At least I can move on with my life. Maybe my stupid cervix will never be favorable. Maybe she willl live on inside of me for-fucking-ever. Like a tumor.
Today I'm going to make this thing end. Wish me luck.
PS. "Babies come when they want," <----- didn't-cha-know??
Reader Comments (6)
At 11 days past due, nobody has any room for criticism. I went 14 days past with my first and he had to be forced out. Yep, it ended in a c-section - but once they got in there they found out he was presenting brow and was physically incapable of dropping. So sometimes there is a very good reason they aren't coming out on their own.
GOOD LUCK!
Best wishes.... They took my baby at exactly 39 weeks by CS, because I was showing no signs of "ripening" in the last few exams... I think it was actually because I'm fat and my OB is mean - but anyyyyway, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes (you can't see them right now, but they're there), so, if one good thing has come of your incredibly annoying overdueness - it's making me hate my birth story a little less. Love you, girlie*... Congrats to Lucie on impending big sisterhood! (*as much as I can without being an Internet weirdo creep.)
Seriously you are a rock star. I would be feeling all the same emotions as you. I already feel like I am losing my mind and I am still a week from my EDD. I can only imagine the depression, anger, frustration you have been experiencing...as a matter of fact...you've been getting ME through each of my days. I have felt like I can't quite complain as much given your situation. I have such bad aches and pains, carpal tunnel, constant meaningless contractions and cramps....to no avail. At 11 days over your due date I would also be like Fuck it. You can still power through naturally. Good luck and Congrats, you rock!
I have been looking forward to your emails every week during my pregnancy. I am now at 41 Weeks plus 1 day and READY!!! Probably going to be induced today or tomorrow and have been trying to avoid it too but at this point...let's get this party started!! I saw that you delivered and it gives me hope i'm next!! Congrats and thanks for the laughs! You have kept me sane!! :)
Just stumbled across your blog here! I had my ray of sunshine 5 months ago and let me tell you...i was in the OB office Mon,Wed AND Fri for the last 2 1/2 MONTHS of my preggo-ness due to complications. Hooked up to that NST machine sometimes for 2 hours in office, then 6 hours in L&D (mostly on Fridays for some strange reason...) I had med students taking bets on exactly how early I was having my baby (cause we all knew she was coming early)! It was thrice weekly appt's or inhouse hospital bed rest- my golden ticket was the fact that I actually live not 3 blocks from the place. But my little twinkle toes is just fine! I wish I had come across this page while I was stuck at home on "couch rest" some humorous AND helpful advice would have been great! I digress....Congrats on your newest bundle of joy!
This is great! being over due is pretty rough!! I was 17 days overdue but I was going the natural home birth route so there wasn't anything that I could do about it besides bounce on my yoga ball! Lol. So I bounced a whole lot those last two weeks!