Potty Training 101
18 months is around the time that people start asking about potty training.
I get emails that say things like, “Shouldn’t I be potty training? Putting a potty out maybe, so she can ‘get used to it’? I don’t want to miss the boat.”
You’re not at risk for losing a window of opportunity for at least another year or so (and much later, depending on whom you ask), so do not panic.
That said, some potty training experts say that 20-30 months of age is the “golden window” for potty training. Thus, if you are one of those parents who likes to be on the leading edge of every developmental milestone (snort), you could, in theory, start potty training around 20 months or so.
When Lucie, my older daughter, was 18-20 months(ish), I was newly pregnant with my youngest. Many of those days were spent in bed or on the bathroom floor, so potty training a toddler was the absolute last thing on my mind.
And that was fine! We potty trained her a year later at 2.5, and the rest is history.
Timing is everything.Meg Collins
Here is the summary of my research. My goal is to provide enough detail to be informative but not overwhelming, so jump in if you’re ready. Or don’t yet. I assure you, your child will not go to college in diapers. 😉
A Little Intro to Potty Training
Generally speaking, healthy children aren’t physically and emotionally ready to start using a potty until they are between 18 months and 3 years old. Yes, there are those crazy people (kidding!) who do EC (elimination communication) from birth, but those people (“those people,” haha) are on their own track.
Anecdotally, boys tend to be more difficult to train than girls and, statistically, train at a later age (3 months later on average), but some potty training experts shun this notion and believe that boys can train just as quickly and easily as their female counterparts.
Maybe it’s just that moms of boys have been told that it’s soooo difficult, which deters them from trying earlier – very possible!
The vast majority of parents in America and other first world countries start potty training when their children are between two and three years old.
“But people in other parts of the world train a lot earlier!”
This is true, but the situation in developing countries is totally different, as many urologists and potty training experts are first to point out. In those countries, they may not have access to proper diapering and sanitation. Thus, without diapers, potty training is imperative as a matter of community health and disease prevention. Furthermore, children in developing countries have a completely different lifestyle: they spend a lot more time outdoors, they certainly aren’t at daycare all day, and they generally eat whole foods that allow for easier bowel movements. Thus, you will find that children in Asia and sub-Saharan Africa “train” much earlier as a matter of custom, lifestyle, and practicality.
In America and most of Western Europe, the age of potty training is absolutely all over the board: some train at 18 months and some don’t get there until four (somebody has to be buying those size six diapers, right?).
That said, training your child earlier rather than later will save money on diapers, will make parents lives easier (no more changing diapers, woohoo!), and is much kinder on the environment.
Potty training expert and author of best-selling potty training book Oh Crap! Potty Training, Jamie Glowacki, recommends training between 20 to 30 months of age and warns that waiting too much past the age of 2.5 could make the job harder.
So why do most parents wait longer?
“Number one, for sure is disposable diapers. I don’t think there’s as much motivation (i.e., laundry) for the parents as there was when there were just cloth diapers… I think the other BIG reason is the whole ‘Wait till they’re ready’ thing. Most parents are under the impression that ‘ready’ means the child will completely self train one glorious moment. While that MAY happen, I find it’s pretty rare… I also think social media and the internet is a big factor as well. One rare potty training horror story can now be spread like wildfire, striking fear into thousands of parents.”Jamie Glowacki
This is confusing, because for every book or article I found espousing early potty training, there was an article warning against it.
Ahhhh, the internet.
For better or worse, you have to decide what the best age and approach is for you and your child. And I’m telling ya – it has much more to do with YOU and your partner’s readiness than you think. More about that later.
Also, like breastfeeding, nearly everyone has an opinion on potty training, so take all the advice you get with a grain of salt. What worked for your sister or your neighbor or your best friend’s kid might not work for yours — and vice versa.
Always allow your instinct to guide you. You’re the one, after all, who knows your child better than anyone else.
Warning: I have an opinion
At the end of the day, I do have an opinion. After reading all the literature during my research, I am convinced that earlier(ish) is better (i.e., before 2.5 or 3), that waiting for your child to volunteer for the task might not ever happen, and that potty training is, in fact, a great gift to give your child. That said, I don’t judge anyone who wants to wait or doesn’t feel like they or their child is ready. Considering most parents in America are working the equivalent of three full-time jobs (two full-time jobs + managing a household and raising children), we have enough on our plates as it is, no?
Okay, enough pontificating, let’s get started:
- Part II: Potty Training Methodologies
- Part III: Potty Gear
- Part IV: The Two-Day Method, Summarized
What happens when you have a child potty trained and then the child goes back to someone who wears diapers or pulls ups on? The child is now 3 and refuses to use the potty.
In my experience, it’s really difficult for them to have 2 caregivers with different plans (one in where the kiddo is back in diapers). Avoid this if at all possible because it’s just too confusing for the child.
Potty train help
So maybe this is a stupid question.. But how do you teach them to wipe the poo off their butt?? I’ve shown her in the bathroom and tried to guide her hand but she just tears off some tp and puts it in the toilet.. What am I doing wrong? Should I just chase her around the house with toilet tissue every time she poops?
Hi Zoe! The short answer is yes 😉 You will be doing a lot of wiping in the beginning. They don’t fully grasp the concept of wiping their own butts until around 4-5. Even my 6 year old has trouble, lol!