Hey Mama (or Daddy) — happy year and a half! Time flies when you're having fun, aye?
Eighteen months is around the time that some people start asking about potty training.
I get emails that say things like, “Shouldn’t I be potty training? Putting a potty out maybe, so she can ‘get used to it?' I don’t want to miss the boat.”
You’re not at risk for losing a window of opportunity for at least another year or so (and much later, depending on whom you ask), so do not panic.
If you buy it, will they come?
That said, some potty training experts say that 20-30 months of age is the “golden window” for potty training. Thus, if you are one of those moms who likes to be on the leading edge of every developmental milestone (snort), you could, in theory, start potty training in a couple of months or so.
When Lucie, my older daughter, was 18-20 months(ish), I had just gotten pregnant with Alice, my younger daughter. Many of those days were spent in bed or on the bathroom floor, so potty training a toddler was the absolute LAST thing on my mind.
And that was fine! We potty trained her a year later at 2.5, and the rest is history.
Point being: A parent's readiness is as important (if not more) than the readiness of her child.
Here is the summary of my research. My goal is to provide enough detail to be informative but not overwhelming, so jump in if you’re ready. Or don’t yet. I assure you, your child will not go to college in diapers.
A Little Intro
Generally speaking, healthy children aren’t physically and emotionally ready to start using a potty until they are between 18 months and 3 years old. Yes, there are those crazy people (kidding!) who do EC (elimination communication) from birth, but those people (“those people”, haha) are on their own track.
Boys tend to be more difficult to train than girls and tend to train at a later age (statistically, 3 months later on average), but some potty training experts shun this notion and believe that boys can train just as soon and easily as their female counterparts.
Maybe it’s just that moms of boys have been told that it’s so difficult, which deters them from trying earlier–very possible.
The vast majority of parents in America and other first world countries start potty training when their children are between two and three years old.
The situation in 2nd and 3rd world countries is totally different, as many urologists and potty training experts are first to point out. In those countries, they may not have access to proper diapering and sanitation; thus, without diapers, potty training is imperative as a matter of community health and disease prevention.
Furthermore, children in the 2nd and 3rd world have a completely different lifestyle: they spend a lot more time outdoors, they certainly are not at daycare all day, and they eat whole foods that allow for easier bowel movements. Thus, you will find that children in Asia and sub-Saharan Africa “train” much earlier as a matter of custom, lifestyle, and practicality.
No Pampers here!
In America and most of Western Europe, the age of potty training is absolutely all over the board: some train at 18 months and some don’t get there until 4 (somebody is buying those Size 6 diapers, right?).
That said, training earlier (rather than later) will save money on diapers and wipes, will make parents lives easier (not having to change diapers), and is much kinder on the environment.
Potty training expert and author of best-selling potty training book Oh Crap. Potty Training, Jamie Glowacki, recommends training between 20 to 30 months of age and warns that waiting too much past the age of 2.5 could make the job much harder.
So why do most parents wait longer?
"Number one, for sure is disposable diapers. I don’t think there’s as much motivation (i.e., laundry) for the parents as there was when there was just cloth diapers… I think the other big BIG reason is the whole ‘Wait till they’re ready’ thing. Most parents are under the impression that ‘ready’ means the child will completely self train one glorious moment. While that MAY happen, I find it’s pretty rare… I also think social media and the internet is a big factor as well. One rare potty training horror story can now be spread like wild-fire, striking fear into thousands of parents,” says Glowacki.
For better or worse, you have to decide what the best age and approach is for you and your child. And I’m telling ya – it has much more to do with YOU and your partner’s readiness than you think. More about that later.
Also, like breastfeeding, nearly everyone has an opinion on potty training, so take all the advice you get with a grain of salt, including mine. What worked for your sister or your neighbor or your best friend’s kid might not work for yours — and vice versa.
Always allow your instinct to guide you. You’re the one, after all, who knows your child better than anyone else.
Warning: I have an opinion
That said, I do have an opinion. After reading all the literature during my research, I am convinced that earlier is better (e.g., before 2.5 or 3), waiting for your child to volunteer for the task might not ever happen, and that potty training is, in fact, a great gift to give to your child. That said, I don’t judge anyone who wants to wait or doesn’t feel like they or their child is ready. Considering most parents in America are working the equivalent of 3 full-time jobs (2 full-time jobs + managing a household and raising children), we have enough on our plates already, no?
That's your intro; we'll stop there for now. If you'd like to read ahead…
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