Updated July 2018
Your body is recovering from one of the most traumatic physical experiences in life. Even if you had a picture-perfect delivery, your body will still be dealing with the fact that it squeezed something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon. This coincides with other ill-timed events, like sleep deprivation, hormonal craziness, physical pain, and the stress and anxiety of caring for a completely helpless little monkey. You’ll get through it, but you should be emotionally prepared and set your expectations accordingly.
Your body has seen better days. First, you will be bleeding so much that you wish you had a hazmat team on staff. It’s really quite gnarly. The gigantic maxi-pad in the mesh underwear situation is a poorly engineered solution at best. Believe me when I tell you to buy a package of Depend for Women (size S/M, unless you are a big girl). It is so much more comfortable and absorbent (and sooooo sexy!). Keep a separate trash bag in your bathroom for the hazmat trash. The flood o’ blood tapers off in about two weeks and hopefully you won’t bleed again for many months until you get your period back. Yay.